It may be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but letting go of someone you love may be the best course of action – for both of you. Firstly, how do you know it’s the right time to say goodbye?
11 Signs You Need to Let Go
- You know he lies to you.
- You find yourself making excuses for him.
- You feel happier when you are with your friends than when with him.
- You are in a constant state of anxiety or fear that he will leave you.
- You’ve become clingy, or he has. Neediness – 5 Signs of Needy People.
- You know you aren’t as important to him as he is to you. The relationship is unbalanced.
- Your relationship is built on a fairy tale – it’s insubstantial and it feels it could blow away on the breeze.
- You are settling for less than you deserve. You greedily feed on the crumbs that he carelessly drops.
- His attention is often snagged by other girls. You watch him, watching them.
- You have changed, subdued or created your personality to fit his ideal.
- You fight all the time.
What to Expect After Letting Go of Someone You Love
You will experience a whole range of emotions, and they are all valid and deserve your attention. It helps to know what you are feeling and how to deal with it.
Relief After Telling Him it’s Over
You know that you have made the right decision if your immediate emotion is relief. It’s a mixture of release, freedom and a lifting of the pressure that has built up. Allow relief to wash over you and know that this is the sign that your subconscious is in complete agreement.
Guilt After Saying Goodbye
People hate being dumped. Even if they know it’s for the best. Their pride is wounded and the natural thing is to try and make the other person guilty. You may well feel overwhelming guilt for causing pain, but don’t react by saying sorry and you didn’t mean it. Give it a little time before you take him back.
Sadness After Breaking Up
It’s natural to grieve after breaking up. A whole big part of your life has been severed. Even if it was your decision and even if you felt initial relief, it’s still likely that you will feel sad for what has gone. It’s fine to grieve so take as long as you need. Keep checking for those moments of relief when you realize you don’t have to take his needs and demands into account.
Your Old Self Reappears
Once you have got past the pain, often a miracle occurs. You realize how much you have suppressed your natural personality. You are back to your old self. Make a pact that you will never again be with someone who insists that you change to accommodate to their vision of a partner. If they can’t accept you as the person they were initially attracted to, then they don’t deserve you.
How to End It
Now you know what to expect after the split, you need to know how to go about letting go of someone you love. This is not easy. You need strength and courage so dig deep. Remember that there is no perfect time to finish a relationship.
- Get clear in your mind why this relationship isn’t working. Spend some time to clarify the reasons – write them down, if necessary.
- Build a vision of life after the break-up. See yourself as single. How does it feel and what does it look like? Will you be relying on friends and family to support you? Get hold of the tail of independence and begin to create a new life for yourself.
- Have a plan of action. If you live with him, then you need to have the practicalities sorted. Will you leave? Will he? Will you need a room-mate? Are you moving back home. All this needs consideration. Of course, if you are still in the dating stage, it’s much easier.
- Choose the setting. Decide where the best place will be. It might be neutral territory, in a public space, such as a park. It could be at home, or somewhere you feel safe like a friend’s apartment.
- Unless there is a chance he will physically become violent, face-to-face is always best. You’ll be able to hold your head up because you have acted honorably. So gather your courage and tell him it’s over.
- What to say. Don’t assign blame. Don’t whine. Be clear why you want to end the relationship. Tell him it’s not working for you. Be prepared for anything. He may get angry, accusatory, insulting, emotional or go silent. He may insist on explanations so have your reason ready and don’t let him take you down any path you don’t want to go. He may storm off.
Post Break-Up Fall Out
The days following a break-up are the worst. Your emotions will be running high (or low). You’ll be running the whole gamut of feelings, one after the other and some at the same time. Just hang in there. You can’t assess where you are until all the fall out has subsided. Breathe. Stay calm.
He may try to contact you and it’s up to you to decide how much communication you will have. Sometimes, he’s trying to get you back. Other times he could be attempting to intimidate you. He might be simply feeling awful. It’s better if you are not the one to offer a shoulder for him to cry on – that will get you right back into the relationship. Make sure he has a good friend to see him through the difficult time.
As time passes, it will get better. Grab those moments, those thoughts of freedom and happiness and milk them for all they’re worth. You’ve done the right thing and pretty soon, you will love again.
Find out if true love lies ahead – contact one of our amazing psychics.