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Do You Love Him Too Much? Or Is It Something Else Disguised as “Love”?

you love him too much featured image

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too." — Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

Being in love is one of the great pleasures of life. Everyone seems to be looking for it.  Most literature, film and music have a common theme, of romance, passion and love. So when you are in love, it’s normal to want to shower the object of your affection with attention.  But is it possible to feel too much of a good thing?  Can you love him too much?

The truth is you can never love too much. But this is where it gets confusing. Love is not about smothering. Love is not about insecurity, obsession or fear.

Love isn’t a negotiation.  Love isn’t ever about power and control. That isn’t love at all.    

drive women mad gareth Image source: Gareth on Flickr

If every thought and every conversation seems to be about your lover, this may be an obsession. If your world revolves only around him, this may be a warning sign, too. If you believe that you can’t live without this relationship, you have a problem. It is unhealthy if you are only happy when he or she is nearby.

If you can’t eat, sleep or think of anything else, this is unhealthy. If making your partner happy is the primary goal in your life, that may feel selfless. But when you think about it, do you have ulterior motives?

Have you lost sight of what it takes to make you happy because you are too focused on him/her? Are you trying to “make” someone love you? Are you begging for their attention?

Too much “love” focused on anyone can feel a lot like smothering. In truth, the flames of passion can be smothered in an unhealthy relationship.

“To make one person the center of your world is bound to end in disaster. There are too many factors outside your control.” — Alexandra Adornetto, Halo

5 Signs That You May Love Too Much

#1 You are constantly trying to make them happy.

There is a real underlying problem here. No one handles how someone else feels. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make another person happy!

If you feel responsible for how your partner feels, they never learn to take responsibility for themselves. If your partner is depressed or angry, then you may feel you are to blame. And they may feel that way too.

It works both ways. No one else can make you happy either.

ronin indifference Image source: -Ronin- on Flickr

In a perfect world, two happy people get together and enjoy each other. But the world is not always perfect. Sometimes trying to make another person happy can be a subtle form of manipulation.

Don’t use love as an excuse to to try and control someone.  When you are over-the-top with affection, it may be a way to get something back in return. Smothering is still smothering, no matter what the motivation.

#2 You need to be with your partner all the time.

If you sacrifice every moment of your day to be with them, you may soon resent them. If they feel they are not allowed to go anywhere without you, they may grow to resent you as well.

The constant need to be in each other’s physical presence is not unusual when you are falling in love. But if you feel like half a person without them, there are deeper problems here.

romance and cigarettes jake stimpson Image source: Jake Stimpson on Flickr

You are a whole complete person on your own. Love is an extension of that.

Each partner needs time and space to grow, both together and apart. Spending time with each other should be a part of any successful relationship. But you are separate individuals and should have separate interests and activities, as well.

#3 You don’t trust them.

Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. If you are obsessed with the notion that that the one you love is cheating, there are two possibilities.

One is that they may not be worthy of your trust. If they are cheating, this may not be the relationship you want.

But the second possibility is that your fears are based on your fear of abandonment and self-esteem issues.

ed yourdon couple Image source: Ed Yourdon on Flickr

Here’s the problem. If your relationship has a large jealousy component, these issues need to be addressed.

Accusations, regular emotional outbursts and constant suspicion are not the stuff that love is made of.

“Emotional attachments are messy. They end with broken hearts and stalking.” — Lauren Barnholdt, Two-Way Street

#4 You call them all the time.

It’s nice to stay in touch with someone you love. But texting, talking and social media can also be a way control or stalk someone else. A minute-by-minute update is an obsession.

Are you calling or texting because you are afraid of what he might have been doing?  Are you sending a constant message that you love him to keep him out of trouble?

calling uncoolbob Image source: uncoolbob on Flickr

This over-communication can only lead to resentment.

Unless both partners have developed a habit of daily contact throughout the day, don’t go there.

#5 You feel abandoned and constantly crave their attention.

Even when you are together, it may not enough. If either one of you is constantly trying to get the other's attention when you are spending “alone” time together, it is usually based on insecurity.

sich verabshieden niels linneberg Image source: Niels Linneberg on Flickr

At the beginning of a relationship, both of you may be focused on each other all the time. This is not usually sustainable.  Remember that no one else can make you happy.

If you are uncomfortable spending time alone together and frustrated in social situations where your partner may be mingling with others, it’s time to evaluate your need for constant attention.

“Love lifts you up. Love is giving and kindness. Love is encouraging. Love is healing. If these things do not surround you, you are in the wrong relationship.” — Elizabeth Bourgeret

There are lots of in-betweens in emotions. Relationships can bring out the best and worst in us. Learn to let go enough to be a friend and trusted confidante. You can never love too much. But sometimes it’s not about love.

If you are having trouble with love and romance, an intuitive reading at Psychic Elements may help you find a balance.

love birds herbert johan Image source: Herbert Johan on Flickr

It’s difficult to find the perfect balance in a relationship when you feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster.  If you are in love, work towards a balance. Romance, sex and friendship are all involved. Love should enhance and improve your life, not replace it.

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