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How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Be your own best friend

Who is your best friend? If you said anything other than ‘me’, then you'd be mistaken. In this self-obsessed, selfie-taking, public-persona world we live in, one thing that most people fail to understand is that the only person they need to love and impress is themselves. There's no need to look to social media for validation. In fact basing your self-esteem on how many ‘likes’ you can get on Instagram will inevitably cause misery because it is false love. It’s fleeting, thoughtless, and can turn to hatred in a moment with one mistimed, misunderstood post. The longest relationship you will ever experience in your life is the one you have with yourself. So maybe the bravest thing you could do for your self-esteem is to give up chasing those likes and learn how to be your own best friend.

Own best friend
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

When you have no one else to turn to. When friends aren’t around. When your family is distant, you need to have one person to rely on. One person who is your constant rock, your love, your best friend. And that’s you. 

There’s only one person on this planet who can consistently make you feel good. There is nobody else who will be with you from the day you are born till the day you die. Just you. So you might as well turn that, often difficult, relationship into one that sustains you – forever. And there’s nothing; no career, achievement, activity, object or anything else that can take the place of being your own best friend. Resilience to the challenges of life lies within. Your mental strength lies within. Acceptance lies within. Wholeness lies within.

How to Start Being Your Own Best Friend:

Best Friends Respect Each Other

They do not berate, nag, or put each other down. So it’s time to stop denigrating yourself, both internally and externally to others. Stop telling yourself that you are hopeless, incompetent or otherwise unlovable. Start treating yourself as you would treat someone very dear to you. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. When you catch disrespectful thoughts or words aimed at yourself. Stop. Change the tune.

Best Friends Forgive

Sure you have done things you regret. Maybe you have hurt other people from time to time. It’s time to lay those ghosts and offer some self-forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves is often extremely hard to do. You think you’ve done it and then, months later, those guilty feelings surface again. So you need to find a technique to quiet those thought-monsters.

How To Forgive Yourself

Best Friends Don’t Let Each Other Suffer

What would you do if your closest friend was in emotional turmoil? You would do everything in your power to help, wouldn’t you? You would soothe, reassure, comfort, sympathize, and try to make things better. When did you last do those things for yourself? Was it when you last felt lonely? Or abandoned? Or stupid? Probably never, right? 

You might think you did exactly that. Had a tub of ice-cream, a few glasses of wine, cried into your pillow, or turned to sex perhaps. But none of those things work, do they? Maybe for a little while you can stave off the pain, but eventually you either face it, or you continue to numb your feelings with substances and self-destructive behavior.

You cannot expect never to feel pain. Life is full of contrasting elements. What you can do is to listen to the words you use to yourself. Are you telling yourself that you are unworthy or useless? Or are you saying that you can do this, that it’s temporary, that you are good person, that you can put it right, that all these things pass eventually? So next time you feel bad, pay attention to what you are thinking and change it. Even if it feels strange to do so. Even if it feels artificial. Talk out loud if you have to. 

  • Everything works out for me.
  • I am a good person.
  • Life gets easier.
  • I am learning all the time.
  • This will pass.
  • Right now, all is well.

Best Friends Give Praise When it’s Due (and When it’s Not)

Did you get out of bed and clean your teeth today? Then give yourself a little pat on the back. As you go about your day, completing tasks, doing your work, interacting with people, being kind, giving praise to others, don’t forget yourself. Tap into small moments of golden self-appreciation. They are there if you take the trouble to mine for them. 

What Do You Need?

Are you getting enough rest? Would you like some time just to relax, read, chill? Are you hungry? Would you like to do something creative? Listen to music? Go for a walk? If you are always putting other people first, it might be a good idea to reverse this for once. What do you need? Make sure it happens for you.

Love Your Solitude

So many people cannot bear to be alone. They don’t seem to be able to cope with their own company. Because they feel they don’t have any company. This could not be further from the truth. If this is you, don’t try to drown out the solitude by putting the TV on, or your earbuds in, or scrolling through social media feeds. It’s time to be you. By yourself. With your thoughts. What will you do? Are you bored already?

Lie back. Relax. Listen to the sounds around you. Breathe in deeply. What’s going on in your body? Are you comfortable? Take the time to tell yourself how much you appreciate you. In fact, go ahead, make a mental list of all your good qualities. If you feel more energetic, write them down. Build a picture of the things that make you perfect and unique. Include your quirks and odd habits. 

my own best friend
Photo by Rendiansyah Nugroho on Unsplash

See? You Are a Wonderful Human Being

No-one said it’s easy to create a good relationship with yourself, but stop and take a minute to think about people you know. You surely know someone who seems to be constantly unhappy? Or one who lurches from drama to drama? Or one who is so fragile s/he seems likely to break at any moment? Or one with family issues that are overwhelming to them? These poor loves have one thing in common, it’s guaranteed. They don’t like themselves enough. And they haven’t learned to tap into their inner reserves of strength and resilience when they need to. Don’t be like that. Be your own best friend; love yourself and life will become so much more fulfilling.

If you have problems with self-esteem and have no idea where to begin to put it right, call one of our experienced psychics who will find the root of the issue.

Psychology Today: Waiting for Someone to Make You Happy?

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