Breaking up is still hard to do. There’s no getting away from it. Even if you dumped a cheater, you find that your feelings towards him soften after a week or so. Why do we experience those emotions of loss? And what can you do when you miss your ex? Here are nine techniques to use after a painful break up.
Own the Sadness
If you are still in the early stages of a break up, then know that it’s all right to feel the way you do. It’s natural to miss your ex. It’s a horrible time, so do all you can to comfort yourself. Forget the diet for a few days and indulge. Eat ice-cream, take time off work and cry your eyes out. Don’t fight it. This is part of a healing process and it needs to happen.
I Still Love My Ex
If you believe that love is a form of energy, the love you gave to them has to go somewhere. Think about it. The best thing about being in love is giving your love to someone. It’s like a beautiful gift – the more you give it, the more comes back to you. Until it doesn’t. And the relationship comes to an end.
So what do you do with all that love? You can continue to beam it out to your ex, or you can choose to direct it elsewhere. Use visualization to imagine your love as light emanating from your heart. Make a conscious effort to redirect the light toward your best friend, your dog or your mother. See that person bathed in your radiant love. Appreciate all that is beautiful about them.
Those Things You Shared
It’s hard to let go when you keep getting reminders of the things you did together; the places you went, and all your private jokes. Can you determine if you truly miss your ex, or is it those things you shared? You’ll probably say both. Yet, you will be able to separate the two if you think about it. Once you can make that distinction, it helps a lot.
If it’s him you miss, then mentally dismiss the memories of the places you went. There’s nothing preventing you going there again once the pain has softened. If it’s the other way round, then you are missing the fun times. Knowing this makes it easier to release the emotions surrounding your ex. You can always replace them with new fun experiences with your friends.
Are You Missing the Drama?
Perhaps you had a volatile relationship? All drama and flouncing through doors. You fought like cat and dog, but making up gave you such a high. You’re addicted to emotional drama, not the person who played the game with you. You can replace this need for drama by taking up a physical activity. Channel your competitive spirit into a healthier outlet. Can’t do hard physical exercise? Then walk. Pound the pavements; each day trying to do better than the day before. Can’t do that? Take up another competitive activity – beat your kid brother at his favorite video game.
Should I Contact My Ex?
The one month rule applies here. If a month passes and you still miss your ex and feel you must contact him then ask yourself a few questions:
- Why do you want to contact him?
- What are you hoping to get out of it?
- How will you feel if he refuses to see you?
- If he is with someone else, are you hoping to disrupt that relationship?
Be honest with yourself, and you think you are still confused about how you feel, then don’t contact him. If you dumped him and are sorry, perhaps he will understand if you can explain. Should he not want to meet, you have to respect his decision. If he’s with someone else, leave it be. No good can come of stalking them.
Jealousy Fuels Obsession
There’s nothing like knowing ‘your’ man is with someone else. Your imagination runs wild. You cannot stop replaying memories and thoughts. Understand that jealousy is a strong, all-consuming emotion – but it is not love. It might be crushing your insides in its twisted grip – but it’s still not love. It can be more to do with wounded pride. Your emotions are on the defensive. You direct the hurt at the new couple, rather than acknowledging that, your pride has been smashed to pieces. Once you recognize this, the obsessive thoughts about your ex quickly dissipate.
Friends are Your Friends After a Break Up
Get in touch with your friends. Tell them how you feel. Let them cheer you up. Have a good laugh, a good cry, and thank them that they are still your friends after everything that’s happened. Tell them how wonderful it is to have them in your life. Nothing feels too bad when you have the support and love of good friends.
A Makeover Works Miracles
Get your hair restyled and colored. Treat yourself to a new outfit. Buy two new pairs of killer heels. Shed those few pounds you gained recently after eating all that ice-cream. Decide to be a better version of yourself. Take up yoga or meditation. Make changes that you can see. It’s amazing how much better you will feel on the inside.
Time is Kind to Ex-Lovers
Nothing beats the passing of time for healing emotional wounds. In the beginning, you are going to miss your ex. Of course you are. When you are still right there in the rawness of a recent break up, then it is hard to see past your feelings. You wonder how you will ever get past it all. But you will. Every day, every week that passes softens and heals. New people catch your attention. You may feel wistful at the thought of your lost love, yet that time begins to shrug on the cloak of a past romance. Don’t hate him. In your heart thank him for teaching you valuable life lessons. Know that all is well and your true love is ‘somewhen’ in the future.