There’s nothing better than falling in love. But there’s nothing worse than being apart. Whether through choice or necessity. How can you deal with it when you love him but you can't be together? What can you do when your heart is full of love yet at the same time it is breaking?
It’s really tough if life doesn’t allow you to be with the one you love.
Love feels so special, so magical, so life-affirming. Yet sometimes it can be dark, sad, and very lonely. Especially when there’s no hope you will ever be together. That’s when love becomes a monster, eating you up from the inside, consuming your waking thoughts and nighttime dreams.
Reasons Why You Can't Be Together
There are many reasons why some couples can't be together. Some of them might be:
- Parental disapproval
- Religious constraints
- One of you is already in a relationship
- You love them, but they take no notice of you (unrequited love)
- You’ve split up
- You have to put your studies first
- S/he is your best friend’s partner
- Their beliefs or behavior don’t coincide with yours
- One of you has a personality disorder that makes it impossible to be in a relationship
- The relationship is stuck and not going anywhere.
Some Truths About Unrequited Love
There are some things you should know about loving someone that you cannot have a relationship with.
- When you can’t have them, your love feels stronger. It gnaws at your soul. Know this: if you were in an actual relationship, it might not be as good as you think it would be. In other words, the heart always wants what it cannot have.
- If they were fully available to you, you might fall out of love very quickly. It’s their unavailability that makes them so desirable.
- It’s likely, you have created a fantasy around this person. They may not be like your fantasy at all. In fact, it’s certain that they are not.
What Choices Do You Have?
Usually, there are none. Which is why you can't be together. Your choices are internal ones. How you choose to deal with this love that cannot be. You may not be able to choose a proper, healthy, one-to-one relationship, but you have the power to decide how to perceive it.
Of course, it’s so hard when you are buffeted by emotion and longing. You have to decide how you would like to be:
- You could carry on as you are, loving but not having. Caught in a limbo. Feeling the pain of separation every day. Perhaps it will fade; perhaps it won’t.
- You could acknowledge that you love this person but take practical steps to move on with your life.
- You might decide to make every effort to release them from your heart.
- You might choose therapy and/or counseling to help you get through this.
What If You Shouldn’t Love Him?
Some people are just bad for us. This is often apparent in relationships where one partner has found the strength to leave the other. They find themselves under constant bombardment, both from their ex, and from their heart to get back together. It takes a huge amount of courage to fight it.
Generally speaking, these relationships are unbalanced, even abusive and/or manipulative. The ‘victim partner’ probably needed help from friends to break free, yet s/he longs, above all else, to be back with their ex.
Your head tells you clearly that this relationship will never be what you want it to be. Not all the hope and effort in the world is going to change that person. And, if you check in with your own intuition, you know your common sense is right. Do all you can, call on everything in your power, and call on all the support available to you, in order not to return to this love, which is not love at all.
When Society Dictates This Love is Not for You
When two people in love can't be together because their parents or religion just won’t allow it, it’s very difficult. Some wait until they are of an age to decide for themselves. They risk being disowned by their families and thrown out by their faith. If the couple believe it is worth it, then they should follow this route. It could take years, but true love is patient.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. Richard Bach
Set Your Love Free Ritual
In our western society, we place little value on ritual. Yet often, just by creating one and carrying it out, is just what we need to say goodbye, to reach closure, to draw a line under our old life and feel reborn, ready to get on with the next stage.
There are no rules in creating a personal ritual but here are some ideas:
- Keep it simple: write down what you want to achieve from the ritual. Sit quietly, light a candle. Visualize your desired outcome and burn the paper. Take as long as you wish and repeat as often as you like.
- Create a party around it. Get your girlfriends, ask for their help. Work out what would be the best way to let this love go. You could go on a ‘free my soul’ weekend trip. Or have them each write down how they see you as a free woman and do the candle ritual as above.
- Have a metaphorical clear out of your emotions by having a real clean out of your closets. With each thing you discard, you feel a little more free.
Switchwords To Heal From a Relationship
Switchwords are useful too. They are ‘energy switches’. Don’t worry about their meaning. Simply say them, whisper them, think them, or write them down throughout your day for two to five days. Longer, if necessary. Repeat them three times and then forget about them until the next time. There are no hard and fast rules about how often to use them. Do what you feel. Here are some that might work:
The Master Switch word is, ironically, ‘Together’. It is meant to bring the two parts of you in harmony: your head and your heart. Or your conscious and subconscious. Often when you are in love and the love cannot be returned, your head and your heart are slugging it out in battle. Repeating the word ‘Together’ soothes the discomfort.
- Together Adjust – helps you to come to terms with your emotions.
- Together Thanks – to let go of your ex.
- Reverse Delete – helps you to stop thinking of the past
- Release Resistance – helps you to see the true nature of the relationship.
- Together Divine Bring Love – For when you are ready to move on and find true love.
We hope you found some useful suggestions here, and that you manage to deal with all the pain and emotions when you can't be together for whatever reason. Should you need someone to talk to, contact one of our experienced psychic counselors.
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