How Not to Fall in Love

how not to fall in love heart

Why wouldn’t you want to fall in love? I mean, isn’t it the best? The most exciting thing ever? Yet there are many reasons why someone would prefer to avoid the complications of falling in love. Let’s discover the reasons and find out how not to fall in love.

how not to fall in love

Reasons Why You’d Prefer Not to Fall in Love

  • The other person is with someone else.
  • You are with someone else.
  • They have complications of their own.
  • The timing isn’t right; life is too complex right now.
  • You are confused by your own feelings.
  • You/they have to focus on studies or career.
  • The other person is just not right for you.
  • You know it couldn’t work out.
  • They are never going to love you in the same way.
  • You can’t be with them due to geographical distance.
  • There’s too big an age gap.
  • Your family would be devastated.
  • You value their friendship and don’t want to change the dynamics.
  • They are attracted to a different gender.
  • You recognize that you (or they) are infatuated and it will probably pass.
  • You are too emotionally fragile to enter into a new relationship.
  • They have a lifestyle that you couldn’t embrace.

So, as you can see, there are many reasons why a person might want not to fall in love. In many cases, these obstacles can be overcome, but sometimes they cannot. You know that to begin a relationship now would wreck your life and possibly theirs too. Or you have established that they simply won’t be able to return your love – and you know how that feels.

how not to fall in love

Ways To Avoid Falling in Love

Self-talk is an effective way to avoid love. Simply repeat the reasons why it’s not a good idea right now. Use a journal to expand on those reasons and to give yourself confidence you are making the right decision.

Avoid contact. If you can’t see them or communicate with them, you won’t fall in love. It’s like dieting – if you don’t buy it, you can’t eat it. So avoid hanging out where they do. Don’t check their Facebook feed or interact on social media. And really, really don’t become a social media stalker.

Fill up your time. Get busy on your main life-focus, whether it’s school or work or some other activity. Throw yourself into it. Get out with your friends. Work on some life-improvement. Read, learn, play.

Don’t get drunk. That’s the worst time for throwing away your inhibitions and contacting the object of your desire. It’s almost impossible to prevent yourself picking up your phone and texting the other person at 1am if you are drunk and feeling reckless. You will regret it.

Have back-up. Confide in a friend you can trust and ask him or her to stand by you during this difficult time. Ask if you can contact them for a chat whenever you need to. Make sure they know that their job is to discourage the relationship.

Read up all you can about infatuation. Learn what it is, how it manifests, and why you don’t want to be that person.

If the object of your desire is married with kids, take a walk in the park and observe couples and single parents with their children. Now imagine if you were the one to break up a happy home. You can’t live with the idea of being a home-wrecker, right?

Perhaps this is an established friendship that is in danger of becoming more? You don’t want it to change. The other person feels more like a sibling than a potential mate. Then be honest with them. Talk to them. Explain how you feel.

Learn to fall in love with yourself. Sometimes we fall for another person because there is something missing, something lacking in ourselves. Until we learn how to see ourselves as whole and complete, relationships are about need. There are many resources nowadays that will help you learn how to love the beautiful human being that you are. Do that first and love may look a little different to you.

how not to fall in love

How To Get Past Attraction

It’s hard to let go of someone you're trying not to fall in love with. When your whole being is fighting you. When your emotions are threatening to take control. You need some coping strategies in place.

Recognize when your thoughts are hindering instead of helping. What does that mean? Well, if your day-dreaming is taking you closer to the person you are avoiding, it’s not helping you one bit. So you need to get into the habit of deliberate thinking. The first thing is to let the unhelpful thoughts go. You notice that you are thinking about the person, you tell yourself, “Not now, maybe later,” and turn your attention elsewhere. Repeat as necessary. Don’t berate yourself, just get into the habit of letting the thoughts drift away.

Don’t talk yourself into falling in love. Don’t praise the person up to your friends; some of them will enjoy the idea of making you want to fall in love. So either don’t mention his or her name at all, or simply say, “I’m over that now.”

Avoid reading and watching romance. Especially “Friends”. There’s nothing like seeing other people, even fictional characters, overcoming obstacles and falling in love to make you think you can do the same. Real life is not fiction. You know that this relationship cannot work out for you, so don’t keep pretending that it might. 

Change your life. Sometimes, we get stuck in old energy patterns and we think that only this certain person can make a difference. This is a delusion. There is only one person who can make life better for you and that is you. Change everything that you can change. Start afresh. Get a new hobby, take up yoga, find a new friend, clear out the old and make space for the new. Make resolutions and stick to them. Focus on making your life the best it can be. 

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