Susannah thought she had met her soulmate. He was everything her husband was not. He was exciting, attentive, enthusiastic, clever and sexy. He listened to her, calmed her spirit, lifted her mood and made life worth living. She left her husband, set up home with her new love and eventually married him. She had no clue that she’d started a relationship with a psychopath.
Yet the warning signs were there almost from the beginning. A few months after they met they had an argument. She walked out on him. He chased her down and, although not physically violent, he was verbally abusive. She thought he was standing up to her, something her ex-husband never did. He was strong and she loved it. He was a salesman, and a good one. He was charming and witty, able to cause both men and women of all ages to fall under his spell Yet, Susannah was concerned how he could abandon clients who no longer seemed of use. He seemed to love money to the point where nothing else mattered. Not even her.
Later, things turned sour. You know how it goes. He began to undermine Susannah, ridicule her, abuse her, but at the same time being the one she needed. Her confidence flowed away. She became a different person. No longer the sassy woman he professed to love. They seemed to fall into a cycle of emotional highs and lows. She tried to leave him. Over and over. Her ex-husband watched from a place of despair. He tried to help her but she kept going back to her new husband. Seeking him out like an addict seeks out her next fix. It didn't help that all her friends and family thought he was the perfect man. Only one friend seemed to dislike him, and she couldn't explain why. When pressed she said she thought he was a fake.
After 10 years passed, Susannah reached rock bottom. She’d been beaten, she’d been in a woman’s refuge, she’d taken jobs and had to leave them because he made things so difficult for her. He’d gone to prison, and she’d stuck by him because she thought it was the right thing to do. One day, he hit her for the last time in a frenzied attack, yelling at Susannah for being the cause of all his problems. The next day, showing no signs of contrition, he left for a company vacation. Susannah was supposed to go too, but there was no way with two broken ribs, and bruises on her face and body. She packed up, took some money out of their account and found herself an apartment. Small, dark, cheap but at least she was away. Now… could she stay away this time? Could she resist going back to him? Could she end this relationship once and for all?
What Makes a Psychopath?
A psychopath has a certain combination of genetics and personality disorder. Sometimes their traits are brought out by a troubled upbringing (Neuman & Hare, 2008; Viding, Blair, Moffitt, & Plomin, 2005). The term 'psychopath' is interchanged with 'sociopath'. There’s little difference except some psychologists say that a sociopath has a conscience, albeit a weak one. Susannah’s husband was beaten by his father as a child, and witnessed his own mother, powerless, in a situation of abuse. One day he woke up and his mother had left. For good. Years afterward, Susannah’s husband still blamed his mother for leaving.
Clues That Show Your Partner May be a Psychopath
- Attempts emotional and behavioral manipulation
- Coldness toward those less well off, or in trouble, or who simply don’t interest him/her.
- Blames other people for their own misfortunes
- Lying, sometimes for no discernible reason
- Gets bored quickly
- Can display aggression
- Acts on impulse
- Has the capacity for cruelty
- They are likely to have had multiple marriages.
Of course, these traits may manifest in people who are not psychopathic, and neither do all psychopaths display all those characteristics. It must also be pointed out that most psychopaths are not bad people. Some are able to recognize and live with it by channeling their energies into their career, or for good purposes.
How To Finish a Relationship With a Psychopath
One of the hardest things about ending a relationship with a psychopath is that they become interested in you all over again. You are, in effect, throwing down a challenge to them. So they switch on the charm and go all out to win you back. And so the cycle perpetuates itself. There are certain steps you need to take, and it begins with changing how you perceive the relationship.
Firstly, what you think is love, isn't. It's an unhealthy mix of domination, manipulation and emotional dependency. Throw in sexual attraction, a smidgeon (or more) of abuse and violence, and you have the recipe for a toxic relationship.
Train yourself to recognize where you are in the cycle. Usually, people who have relationships with psychopaths are either flying high, or feeling as though they have sunk to the level of a centipede. As the relationship goes, on, there are more low days than good ones. Be an observer. Pay attention to the patterns.
Notice how you react to them. Are you giving them what they want? For example, are you deferring to them when they put you down? Do you apologize for things that aren’t your fault? Or maybe you try to stand up to them, to challenge them and call them out? Psychopaths do love a challenge.
When you have a better understanding on the dynamics of your psychopathic relationship, you can make a decision about leaving it. Once you recognize the signs and symptoms, it becomes easier to end it. Make your back-up plans, without telling anyone if possible. If you need help, contact a women’s refuge or similar charity. They can advise you on the practical steps you need to take.
Meanwhile, begin to gradually withdraw within the relationship. Don’t make it obvious. Your typical psychopath loves a battle. S/he’s clever and there’s nothing they enjoy more than manipulating you, winding you up, scoring points off you and ultimately winning. You are not out to win; you are out to get out. Start by not reacting to their jibes. Don’t give them anything to push against. Just say, ‘Okay.’ And leave it at that.
At the same time you have to keep up the pretense that everything is normal and not give them any clues as to what you are doing. Remember that a controlling partner may well keep tabs on you by putting tracking on your phone and/or vehicle. They might be monitoring your social media, listening to your calls, reading your web history – even if you think you've deleted it.
You have to remember that your life is your own. Your partner has no right to control you or force you into staying. You really have to get yourself in the right head space to do this. If there are doubts, you’ll go back. If you are weak, you will return. If you think you are still in love, you will give in and go straight back into the relationship… and the cycle will repeat.
When your opportunity arises, leave. Do not leave any traces of your whereabouts. If you need a restraining order, get that in place. If there are children involved, seek relevant legal advice. Cut all contact with your ex. Use a professional mediating service or someone you can trust to be your channel of communication.
How Did It Go For Susannah?
The one good thing that helped Susannah was that her ex immediately spotted another target. Within days of them splitting up, he had met someone else who offered him a different opportunity. She was an independent woman with her own business – she had a little money. Perfect. Susannah felt guilty because she knew how it would go for the new girlfriend, but relieved that after a few half-hearted attempts to get her back, her ex simply gave up.
Susannah rebuilt her life, eventually met someone else and settled down into a loving, equal relationship. They had two gorgeous children. She remains happy and content to this day. Some years later she heard her ex had died, on his own, in a far off country. None of his family claimed his body or went to his funeral. The woman he’d met after Susannah left him had already divorced him.
You, too, can get away from a psychopathic relationship, and create a beautiful life – just like Susannah.
If you would like a deeper insight into your relationship, contact one of our top class psychics.
Featured image: Photo by Ian Espinosa on Unsplash