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Looking for Love in the Wrong Places

looking for love in the wrong places heart

We get so many questions asking, ‘When will I meet my true love?’ and ‘How will I know when I meet my soulmate?’ The truth is… often you are looking for love in the wrong places. What does that mean? After all, you go out, you meet people, you go to work or school where there are many prospective love connections. So why is it, that you can’t meet the one who sets your heart on fire? Maybe, just maybe, you are looking for love in the wrong place. Your quest to find love begins right where you are.

looking for love in the wrong places key

How Does Love Feel?

The first thing to think about is how does love feel to you? Have you already experienced it? Or do you dream of the time when it will happen? Do you think your heart will soar with an accompaniment of a choir of angels? Or might it begin with a shy smile and a slight quickening of the pulse? Those feelings are about initial attraction. They are not love. They might precede love, but they are not it.

How do you feel inside when you create happiness for another person? When you give someone something they badly need? Or how about when you are with others, contributing to the fun, and your heart fills with the joy of being part of this great bunch of people. That feeling of a full heart – that’s love. That’s what you are looking for.

To attract love, you need to feel it first. If you are a person who emanates love, love opportunities will come your way.

Love is a Journey

While you dream about walking down the aisle or standing with your love in front of your new bijou home, or playing with your kids-to-be on a beautiful beach, you may be missing an important truth. It’s not about the end result, but the steps which take you there. So many people focus on their goal that how they get there doesn’t matter. Consequentially they end up with the perfect wedding with the wrong person.

looking for love in the wrong places wedding
Photo by Thomas AE on Unsplash

What happens when you get to that fairy castle and then discover that you feel empty inside? That all the fripperies, trimmings, and chic wooden hearts tied on to mason jars are no substitute for a full heart?

Giving Love or Getting Approval?

Many of us look for approval from those we are close to. Their praise of how we look and what we do is so addicting that it feels just like love. When your partner tells you how beautiful you are, it feels so good. When you are alone and there’s no approval to be found, you feel empty. You work hard to fill the gap, but the emptiness never goes away until you get the approval you crave. That is not love. It’s a reward. It means your happiness is dependent upon how someone else treats you. Wouldn’t you rather be responsible for, and in control of your own happiness?

The antidote to this is to change what love is for you. When you give love to another, you are also giving it to yourself. When you pay someone a compliment and their face lights up, your vibrational energy soars. When you go to great lengths to make someone happy, you are also making yourself happy. When you stop looking for approval and instead start an outpouring of love, then you become love. You are in control of your happiness.

looking for love in the wrong places
Photo by Nathan Lemon on Unsplash

Looking for Love in an Ice-Cream Tub?

Some people attempt to fill the emptiness with food. They think that ‘comfort eating’ is about loving themselves. It isn’t. The opposite, in fact. Substituting a full, loving heart with unnecessary food is a form of self-hate. An attempt to push down the emptiness. It never, ever works. 

Or maybe you aren’t a food junkie, but instead a shopping maven. The high you get when stroking that beautiful leather purse, or the sensation of the silk top as it slips over your shoulders doesn’t last for long. Within 24 hours ask yourself, has this thing made my heart sing with joy? Is my heart full of love now? Nope, still looking for love in the wrong places.

Love isn’t at the bottom of a tub of ice-cream, neither does it live in your favorite store or shopping website. The only place you can find love is in your own being. And the only way to get it in there, and keep it safe, is to put it there yourself.

He’s Nice but Not My Type

You have a ‘type’? Does that mean you are only attracted to tall people? Or wealthy ones? Have you a handsome or beauty scale that your potential love must match up to? Think about how limiting that is.  How you are shutting off the source of a possible deep and long-lasting friendship because of the way someone looks.  Keep reading.

looking for love in the wrong places friends
Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

Friends First

Of course, it’s entirely possible you might find your soulmate when your eyes meet across a crowded room. It does happen. But what if it doesn’t? How can you fix the emptiness that remains within? Cultivate friendships. If you are a solitary sort of person, you’ll be happiest with one or two close friendships. If you are more gregarious, make friends with everyone. Whichever you are, if you have already discovered the trick of filling your heart with love, you’ll have no shortage of friendship opportunities.  And of course, these give you even more chances to fill up on that love feeling. Not by attaining their approval, but by recognizing that giving yourself, your time, helping people, being kind, compassionate, and empathic will fill your heart exponentially. 

Pretty soon, your lover will find you. And if they don’t show up yet, it doesn’t matter one jot. Because you are love.

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