When the world is shrinking, and we are all connected, why do we so often hear the plaintive cry, “Where can I find love?” Well, to be honest, we don't hear it out loud that often, but it's true, the easier it becomes to connect with people, the harder it is to find love. According to a study carried out by Michael J. Rosenfeld, Department of Sociology, Stanford University, most people these days meet the love of their life online. The ‘old fashioned’ ways of meeting at college, at a party, or in a bar, fall behind when compared to online romance. Bearing this fact in mind, is it easy or more difficult to form a romantic relationship from behind a screen? What happens when you spot a gorgeous woman on FaceBook? How do you make sure she accepts your friend request?
And then once you have her attention, you have to make sure you keep it–and get her to meet you in real life, so that’s why we’re offering you this quick guide to Facebook dating and beyond.
Online Romance Requires An Attractive Profile
Before you even post a friend request to her, the first thing you must do is check through your own profile. No way will she want to date someone with a weird or creepy profile. That doesn’t mean it has to be vanilla or full of lies, merely that you should aim to look like someone worth dating. That means a decent profile pic that is really you (you’d be surprised how many people don’t use their own photo), and a decent description of you that ensures you appear to be an interesting potential date, perfect material for an online romance. And just in case you forgot to do it after you split up with your ex – remember to set your relationship status as ‘single’.
Don’t make up stuff to make yourself look good. Be honest without being self-deprecating. No-one likes a loser, but they like a liar even less, so don’t elevate your job title or describe yourself as a world traveler if you only leave your apartment to visit the local ethnic deli.
Check your timeline for those posts you’d rather she didn’t see. No need to delete the drunken nights with your friends — you won’t be attractive if you didn’t have some kind of social life. Just those posts that you know instinctively a woman won’t enjoy reading.
What women really do find intriguing is someone who is keen on things that they themselves enjoy. For instance, if your best guy-friend’s girlfriend adopts a puppy, get yourself round there and nab a selfie with it. Your FaceBook likes will increase exponentially. Also, if your brother’s kid is cute, do the same. Women love men who love vulnerable creatures like puppies, kitties and their nieces and nephews. Make sure the next selfie is you doing something macho. Do this constantly, mixing your macho activities with your ‘feminine side’, and your Facebook standing among eligible bachelorettes will go off the scale.
Make Your Approach
There are several ways to make a connection on FaceBook:
Random meeting: it helps if you discover each other on a mutual interest group, not necessarily a dating page. If there is something you are both interested in like a certain movie genre or activity (cooking is always good), then you have a head start. If you like the look of someone, you can Friend her with a message along the lines of “Seeing as we are both into keeping Koi carp/squishing Labrador puppies/fermenting vegetables, maybe we should be friends? Choose a small selection of Facebook groups, read and post regularly, and see who turns up.
Friends: it’s possible you can link up with someone you are already friends with, remembering that she’s probably already read your old profile. If she’s still willing to interact online, despite your previous wild boy persona, you may have a chance of a potential date without much effort. What you mustn’t do is mention ‘date’ or ‘going out’. Find out what’s going on in your area, or in a place somewhere between your location and hers. Research her timeline to see if it’s the sort of event she might be interested in. Make a couple of well-spaced posts about the event, and that you are thinking of attending. If she Likes them, you then have every reason to message her and ask if she would like to come with you, your treat, of course.
Friends of Friends: using a mutual friend as a starting point for a conversation is acceptable, and, after all, what FaceBook is about. You could send her a Friend Request, mentioning that you both have so and so as a friend and maybe you should be friends too? If you have pinpointed any interests in common, mention them.
Asking For a Date
Wait until you have established a connection, but whatever you do, don’t inundate the poor woman with constant messages and tags. That's the way to put her off permanently. Keep it light. Try to avoid commenting on political news and events — nothing is guaranteed to turn her away faster than posting or sharing something that gets her back up. Don’t be controversial at all until you know which way she leans, politically speaking.
Once it’s going well, you are connecting maybe a couple of times a week, perhaps having quite long private conversations, it’s time to ask her out. You can try the method described above of finding a festival, concert, exhibition or whatever you are both interested in. Or, if you haven’t been able to discover what sort of events she likes, just ask her straight out if she would be keen on attending the World’s Biggest Pumpkin Show, or a Michael Bolton tribute act. You never know until you ask, and she can easily politely decline with, hopefully, a suggestion that something different would be more to her taste. Also remember she might be keen on an online romance, but is not ready for a real world connection just yet. You have to respect her wishes and back off for a little while until she trusts you enough to arrange a date.
Arrange to meet at a mutually convenient public place. It’s not a great idea for either of you to go to each other’s home at this stage. So if you have agreed to go to some event, then meet up for coffee first, even the day before. This is your chance to Make a Good Impression.
Understand the basic fact that well-cut jeans and a shirt are the standard in sartorial elegance for almost any daytime event. You can dress up or down from there, depending on where you are going. For the coffee shop date, your jeans and shirt are just fine. Simple and straightforward. If it’s cold add a casual jacket. Make sure your clothes are clean, your footwear is appropriate, and your hair and beard are trimmed.
Dos and Don'ts on Your FaceBook Date
- Bring flowers or chocolates.
- Ramble on boringly.
- Tell off-color jokes.
- Criticize or denigrate other people, especially not your ex.
- Sit in silence unless it feels comfortable to do so.
- Crowd her or pressure her.
- Be aloof and distant
- Bring a silly little token gift, like a teeny-tiny plush toy. Place it on the table between you so it becomes a focus and an ice-breaker. When she discovers it in her purse later, it'll remind her of you.
- Say one nice thing about how she looks. Don't go overboard.
- Have a few questions lined up to keep the conversation moving along.
- Pay attention to what she says. Actually listen.
- Say, “That’s really interesting…”
- Remember details she has shared on Facebook.
- Be open and honest about yourself.
- Have one or two short, funny stories from your youth to share.
Follow these guidelines and your date should go well. If it’s obvious that you are not compatible, simply be polite, thank her for meeting you and say that you’ll see her on FaceBook. If it goes well, you’ll obviously be making plans to meet again.
Good luck and happy FaceBook Dating!