You’ve just spent the afternoon with a friend. As you shut the door on her, you feel immense relief. You also feel exhausted and stressed. You wonder why you are such a horrible person – after all, your friend is obviously having a bad time. Her life isn’t so good generally – she lurches from one crisis to the next. It’s good she has you to confide in, isn’t it? Your friend is probably an energy vampire.
Differences between Energy and Psychic Vampires
Energy vampires are fairly common. They are normal people who, for one reason or another, rely on others to boost their fragile self-esteem. Psychic vampires are quite in control and actively seek out others to feed on their energy. If you’ve ever experienced a psychic attack then it’s not something you are likely to forget. In this article, we’re focusing on energy vampires.
Characteristics of an Energy Vampire
- Their life isn’t particularly good. The word that often springs to mind when you consider an energy vampire’s life is ‘bleak’. Everything seems tough for them.
- They don’t have many friends, or the ones they do have keep their distance.
- They usually flatter you and seek out your advice – because you ‘know so much about everything’.
- They need constant reassurance.
- They talk for hours about this one Big Problem. You can try to change the subject but inevitably she soon gets back onto her preferred track.
- They blame others for all their problems – partner, children, children’s teachers, the neighbor, the dog, the man who sold the dodgy car.
- They don’t have much energy.
- You’ll be wondering how to break off the friendship when she surprises you with a gift and tells you how important you are to her. You immediately feel bad for thinking the worst of this kind and generous friend, who, after all, is going through a difficult time.
- They’re a bit of a drama queen. Chaos seems to take over when they are around. They’ll be pointing the finger at others, and you feel as though you must have missed something.
- They may criticize you, or ridicule your efforts.
If you can tick off five of the ten listed above, then it’s highly likely your friend is an energy vampire.
Signs You are the Victim of an Energy Vampire
- Your friend leaves feeling energized and in a happier mood. She cheerfully waves goodbye as you are about to mentally, if not physically, slide to the floor.
- You snap at your children or partner if they ask anything of you.
- You need time to recover your equilibrium.
- Your home feels as if it’s been invaded. You open doors and windows to clear the space.
- Your emotions are mixed: relief she’s gone and guilty that you feel like that.
- You decide that the friendship is not worth the price. Until the next time.
- The relationship seems one-sided to you. Apart from those unexpected keep-you-sweet treats, you are the giver, the one offering reassurance, the listening ear, the sympathizer.
How to Deal with an Energy Vampire
- The best way is, of course, to end the association with him or her. However, it’s not always possible. You may want to maintain contact for a variety of reasons: your kids are best friends, she’s related to you, he’s a coworker or even your boss.
- Minimize your contact. Don’t agree to meet so often. They will need their energy fix so may turn their attention elsewhere.
- Bring others into the mix. Try to arrange your meetings when other people are present. Their influence and energy draining tactics will be diluted.
- Use visualization to energetically protect yourself. Mentally surround yourself with a barrier – say a glass bubble, a reflective dome, or shimmering pink light.
- Don’t dwell on their words. Once out of your presence, let the depleted feeling go and visualize that pink light washing over you, returning you to your normal self.
- Strengthen your barriers. Train yourself to be more assertive. Energy vampires often latch onto someone who finds it difficult to say no.
- Take a look at your own life. Have you attracted people like this before? If so, you might want to consider why. What is it about these people that makes them seem like ideal friends to you?
- Replenish your energy levels with fresh food, plenty of pure water, regular exercise and fresh air.
How to Recognize if You are an Energy Vampire
- You are forthright in your opinions. You don’t give a thought to the other person’s feelings before laying down a bit of ‘honest criticism’. You believe that you are being both helpful and assertive.
- It’s great that you can be yourself with your friend. She’s happy to let you go on and on and on…
- Listen to your words. Are they mostly negative? Are you always complaining? Blaming? Gossiping?
- You are a victim. It always happens to you and you don’t know why. You ask other people constantly but they don’t know why your life sucks either.
- You know you can get support from your friends – whenever you need it.
- You are good at making others feel guilty and it gratifies you.
- You wonder why your children don’t call home very often.
- You believe that you are following the path that fate has laid out for you. You have no control over your life.
- You don’t get invited to social events much.
- You talk about what could wrong instead of what might go right.
- You are depressed, self-absorbed and self-pitying. We are not saying that people who suffer from depression are emotional vampires. Depression is an illness and you must seek treatment for it. However, an emotional vampire does tend towards sadness and low moods.
- People physically keep their distance. Some will cross their arms or hold their purse in front of their body protectively.
Steps You can Take to Cure Energy Vampirism
- Pay attention to the effect you have on others. Notice if they are avoiding you or seem to sink into a lower energy state when with you. Do they seem to shift into their own inner world? In other words, do their eyes glaze over?
- Change your words. There’s no need to go into an all-out charm offensive, but try modifying your words. All you need to do is think before you speak.
- Allow other people to talk about what they want to talk about. Know that it’s not all about you.
- If you are genuinely depressed, get medical help.
- Improve your lifestyle by eating and exercising properly. It’s amazing how a good walk in the fresh air can lift your mood and make everything seem better.
- Understand that you have a choice in every moment. You can choose the positive or the negative. It’s up to you.
- Accept what you cannot change. Change everything else.
- Wear bright clothing, change your hair, surround yourself with light and color.
- Research how to create the life you want. All goals start with small steps. Take yours today.