"Engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding.
Synonyms: adulterous, faithless, fickle, untrue, inconstant." — Definition of Unfaithful
Timeless, everlasting love is written about in great novels and depicted in almost every movie that has ever been made. We are yearning and burning, supposedly looking for that one true love. The problem is that cheating can be part of that otherwise pretty picture. Unfaithful lovers had been around long before Cleopatra played Marc Antony against Caesar.
At some time most of us have been cheated on, believed someone was cheating, or maybe we were the unfaithful lover.
Image source: Marc Nadal on Flickr
Monogamy is hard! Marriages, or romantic entanglements in general, can end (or at least be seriously damaged) when one party decides to party with someone else.
Before you can determine if your lover is unfaithful, make sure you have a relationship that is exclusive. If you aren't sure, you need to be direct. Don't assume you and your partner are exclusive unless it is mutually agreed. If you have to guess what their intentions are, that's a very bad sign.
Of course in a marriage or engagement, fidelity is supposed to be part of the package.
If he or she is having sex with you and hiding the fact that they are sleeping with other people, it’s cheating. They wouldn't need to hide if there wasn't a broken promise involved.
“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.” — Cheryl Hughes
If the FBI profiled cheaters, they would have their work cut out for them. There are some very common traits and unmistakable signs that your lover is unfaithful. At the end of the day, cheaters usually exhibit some behaviours that indicate they are about to stray.
1. Phone Fascination
Image source: d26b73 on Flickr
If she/he pays more attention to their devices than to you, watch out! If you are starting to feel like his phone is more fascinating than you are, or if she is always texting instead of talking to you, on dates, take note.
In the age of the internet and social networking, we all spend more time than we should on our phones. But today most relationships can start and progress online before we even meet. It wouldn't be the first time that someone was making plans with another lover on their phone.
If your significant other is obsessed with their phone, that is not proof of cheating. But it may mean that she/he is not that into your relationship.
The phone junkies may be making plans with someone else. And if they are cheating, they will usually hide their phone or limit your access to it.
2. Sex Shifters
Image source: Juli on Flickr
Every couple has their routines and patterns regarding sex. If you are used to having sex every or every other night since you've been married, and she has been having a headache for two weeks, it may be an indication that something's wrong.
On the other hand, your boyfriend may have transformed into a sex machine, and he is exhibiting a new confidence and libido.
There are a lot of reasons why the sex in a relationship may change. Maybe stress, worry or health problems are taking a toll on your sex life. Or perhaps the relationship is picking up steam in that department.
Anything is possible. But sudden unexplainable sex shifts in the bedroom can be a sign of cheating. Take a look at changes in the bedroom that seem to be affecting your physical intimacy. Don't jump to conclusions if someone says "no thanks" once or twice. But it's better to be direct and talk about it.
3. Makeover Mania
Image source: ORAZ Studio on Flickr
Is your partner taking a sudden interest in his/her appearance? Has he lost some weight and is spending lots of time at the gym? Has she got a brand new wardrobe? Is he/she dressing sexier than ever? Is he growing a beard, or has he just bought a brand new sports car? Is she wearing her hair different and talking about plastic surgery? Are they experiencing a lifestyle makeover?
OK, by itself this definitely isn't proof. It is a combination of behaviors that point to cheating.
If your partner is in the midst of a makeover, and they don't care what you think about it, you may start to wonder. They could be spending all this time and effort to please someone else.
Perhaps it's just a mid-life crisis or a transformation to a more healthy lifestyle. You might want to offer to make the gym outings something you do together.
4. Social Fluttering
Image source: Luis Sarabia on Flickr
If your partner is suddenly "too busy" to go out with you, it could be a problem. For example, if Friday night has always been "date" night and lately he or she has other things to do, it could be a sign. Is he working crazy hours? Do you feel like your relationship is on hold? Do they disappear for days or hours?
If your time together is dwindling because your partner has more important social obligations than spending time with you, they could be losing interest. Or they could be cheating.
Keep in mind that the calendar is important. If he/she cannot commit to social events with you, they may be committed elsewhere.
The social fluttering may not just involve the calendar. It is a warning sign if your partner is flirting with people right in front of you. If they are ignoring you, or worse yet, avoiding you in social situations, watch out.
5. Guilty Behaviors
Image source: Marjan Lazarevski on Flickr
Acting guilty may be the best indicator of infidelity. If they can't meet your eyes, there may be something going on. They say that "love is blind". On the other hand, guilt may be easy to spot.
If your partner constantly makes excuses, lies, cries or does not answer their phone (if you are calling them obsessively, scratch this off the list), they may be exhibiting signs of guilt. If they don't want to talk about it, this could be a warning sign.
Sometimes people act guilty because they are!
Sometimes when a person is ready to leave a relationship, they withdraw and act guilty and emotional, as well.
It is a fact of life that cheaters have to lie to cover up their deception. Damage to your heart and soul may result.
“Cheating and lying aren't struggles; they're reasons to break up,” — Patti Callahan Henry, Between the Tides
Image source: Marc Nadal on Flickr
From time to time, we all may act a little different than we have in the past. If you are still uncertain what is going on with your partner, it may be time to get an intuitive reading right here at Psychic Elements.
If one of these "warning signs" appears in your relationship, it may be a blip on the radar. If 3 or more of these signs are present, you need to talk to your lover. Don't accuse or confront angrily. Don't put them on the defensive.
They may even explain that something else is going on with them. They may not be straying after all.
Disloyalty (especially in the sex department) is something you have a right to know. Sometimes cheaters will come clean; this is the next best result. Then you need to figure out what is right for you. You decide if you want to forgive and forget or leave without looking back.
You don't have to live your life in fear that someone is unfaithful. And you don't need to invest negative energy worrying that it will happen again.
Be transparent. Honesty is contagious. Minimize the damage to your heart and soul. If your trust has been broken in this relationship, that is painful. But it's never too late to start over. Whether you end the relationship or not, you can still fall in love again.