I’m in Love with a Married Woman

Married woman Photo Credit: nilswer via Compfight cc

Is it Just About Sex?


Are you a man who has fallen in love with a married woman? Do you long for a permanent relationship? What are the chances she will give up her husband for you?


A recent study conducted by Professor Eric Anderson of the University of Winchester, UK, and curiously the ‘Science Officer’ of Ashley Madison – the popular website for those seeking to have an affair – concluded that none of the one hundred married women he surveyed wanted to leave their husbands. He says that those who stray still feel affection for their current partner. From this, we can conclude that women looking for love outside their long-term relationship are mainly doing it for emotional or sexual satisfaction rather than a way to end their marriage. This is confirmed by the fact that all the women surveyed said they were only interested in one extra-marital partner, whereas when married men were asked the same question, they stated that they would prefer multiple partners.


Why She Won’t Leave Her Marriage


Women in long-term relationships have anchored themselves to their husbands and vice-versa. If the marriage is strong and based on friendship, the only reason she will stray is because of dissatisfaction of one kind – either emotional or sexual. Many reported that they love their husbands dearly, but that there is ‘something missing’. However, that missing something is not enough to tempt them to leave permanently.


Most women have invested a lot of time and energy into the marriage and are unlikely to want to dismantle all of that for the sake of a fling. If the couple has children, then she is even more likely to want to keep her marriage intact.


You are Always on the Outside


This leaves the lover on the outside looking in. It’s possible that you are happy with the arrangement, but very often the ‘other man’ is left wanting more, especially if you did not know she was married when you met her. You may find yourself waiting for calls and messages that come all too infrequently, snatching a few illicit hours with your amour when she can get away. She rushes back to her husband and children, leaving you on your own with the mental picture that she is spending every night tucked up in bed with her husband.

Affair with a married woman

Photo Credit: ArTeTeTrA via Compfight cc

An Emotional Time Bomb


Contrary to common belief that men have affairs with married women to avoid commitment, many men report that they feel extremely lonely and isolated. They know they can never have a full, reciprocal relationship with the woman they love.


Committing yourself emotionally to a married woman means that you are subject to her choices and expectations. You are no longer in charge of your life because her timetable takes priority. This could lead to constant anxiety, disappointment, anger and the sense of feeling used. Essentially, you are caught up in a love triangle.


Sometimes a man will decide to take action and inform the husband of his wife’s unfaithfulness. However, most will not jeopardize their love or risk the emotional fall-out. One man writes of his experience after he wrote a letter to his lover’s husband. His lover dumped him, and her husband sued him for stalking his wife.


What you do risk, however, is the prospect of the affair ending abruptly. She may decide that she is unable to live with the consequences of being found out, that her husband deserves better, or her best friend has made her aware she could lose her children in a nasty divorce. When that happens, you have nothing.


You’re in Too Deep


If the affair has been going on for a while, you may feel the thought of losing her is beyond comprehension. You hold on to the slender hope that she will leave him. You are even prepared to wait until her kids grow up. One man describes his feelings, My life is being blown apart. I love this woman more than I ever thought possible to love someone and just do not know what to do.


Unfortunately, she probably feels her loyalties lie with the man who has shared her life for the last decades, that they have too much history to throw it away, that her stable life and home are too valuable to give up. After all the time, energy and emotion you have poured into the relationship, you are still on your own.


If Her Marriage Ends, Will You Take on Her Kids?


It’s possible that her marriage will end, possibly because her husband discovers the affair, or that the woman is so unhappy that she files for divorce. She turns to you. Suddenly, you have to deal with a whole lot more than simply turning up for a romantic tryst. Do you want to live together? Does she have children? You may have to take shared responsibility for them – can you do this? It’s one of the most difficult things to do.


Getting Over an Affair with a Married Woman


One of you has found the strength to end the relationship. You feel bereft; an important part of your life is no more. You didn’t expect the emotional impact to be this devastating. How do you get through the next hours, days, weeks? You have to understand that you are feeling grief and must negotiate the process by giving yourself time to deal with it.


Don’t bottle it all up. Find someone who knows you well and who you can trust and tell them how you feel. Approach each day one at a time. Don’t be tempted to contact your ex-lover. If you need to, get some professional advice from a relationship counselor. Spend time with your friends – you may have neglected them since the affair began, so make an effort to renew your friendships. Try to avoid dating right away, you are emotionally vulnerable and could end up launching yourself into an unsuitable relationship on the rebound. Treat yourself gently and, with any luck, you will eventually find a relationship with someone single, who can love you with one hundred percent commitment.


Other Men Explain What it is Like to Have an Affair With a Married Woman

I Love a Married Woman

Middle-aged women missing passion (and sex) seek affairs, not divorce

The paper, "Life is Short, Have an Affair: Middle-Age Women and Extra-Marital Affairs," was presented at the American Sociological Association's 109th Annual Meeting in San Francisco in 2014.



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  1. By ajit on


    I am confused and messed up badly. I m in one-sided love with a married woman I m single 30 and she is same age and married for 3 years. I met her at the end of first year of her marriage at work , I don't talk much to anyone and I don't have any friends also from childhood and I have remained in depression for a long time since my childhood but no one knows it and Itry to hide it that's why I don't open up myself to anyone. She started talking  to me I response only I mean not talk much but as time passed she started to talking to me much more. And she shared her personal life before marriage and telling how free she was and even though she did love marriage she always hint that she is adjusting . She never said it clearly but she hint it at many occasions. She shared her family problems also with me she crack jokes and pull my legs also. I haven't notice but I started to like her company but when I feel it I tried to say it but don't want to lose her as now I have fallen very deep.i told her that I m very afraid of future and she said don't think about future no can predict it .So I carried on with my feelings and hint many times to her about it and I know she also know it now ii has been 3 years. BAnd now when I said I want to tell u everthing about me I want to share my feelings my pain which I am carrying from.childhood she said she don't want to listen . She said we live in a society which have boundaries and we shouldn't do things which hurt people around us and she is not the right person for listening all the things that I want to share. Now I m hurt very bad even though I m trying to make myself understand since last one month but it hurting. I try that we remain friends but she don't talk to me when she went away o. Holidays or somewhere else , even she don't reply my msg she read them but don't reply and said she have personal life that she don't want to disturbed. She only talk to me at workplace and soon her or mine workplace will get changed. And I m afraid that she won't talk to me. Sometimes I feel I M getting selfish but actually what I want that she just talk to me as a friend but she talk only when she want whenever I need her as a friend she is not there. Don't know what I do. I love her so much but I m asking for too much? Is friendship after marriage for a married woman is impossible? 




    Reply »

    • By Troi G. on

      Hi Ajit,

      Sorry to hear of your problems. However, this lady has made it clear that she no longer wishes to continue your friendship. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to change that. You have to accept her decision and leave her alone. Meanwhile, you need to find some friends of your own. I am not sure how you will do that, but you can do it. Find some local groups to join; somewhere that people have similar interests to your own. Think about volunteer work. Be friendly and open, and people will be the same with you. I’m sure you will eventually find someone special who will love to listen to you. Hope it all works out for you.

      Reply »

      • By ajit on

        u may think i m stubborn but i couldn't do it and i told her that i am in so much because of her and also requested that please don't talk to me as you did once and stopped talking to me for 2 months i was broked , i want you to do the same cuz i cant do it my own .you know what she said she said " u r not normal but i am normal and i can talk to you" problem is that she is making it clear she repeat again n again no one know about future and tell me that i should find a girl to talk and also said that i shouldn't get married. i mean suggest me she is not clearly tell me what she want. I know you will say that if she isn't clear you should still leave her but from my side it is very hard so i tell her that stopped talking to me even i requested her to block me on whatsapp cuz i couldn't stop my self to msg her and she always says that don't msg as she don't hide anything from her husband and he can read any mesaag and she don't like to delete my message .

        Reply »

        • By Troi G. on

          This is not a healthy relationship, ajit. It is one-sided, addicted and obsessive. There is no future in it for you, and you are continuing to perpetuate emotional pain in yourself. Not only that, you are jeopardizing her marriage. Give it up.

          Reply »

  2. By metoo on

    Sometimes you just marry the person who you love, but who is just not the ONE. When you meet the ONE and you're already married, it sucks. FOR BOTH PEOPLE!!!!

    From a married woman who is deeply in love with someone who is not her husband — don't judge!! Will I leave my husband?

    I don't know. He hasn't given me an option sadly.

    Reply »

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