You met this guy. You think you are falling in love. He’s everything you could wish for. And your best friend hates him. What do you do. How can you choose between your best friend and your boyfriend?
You’ve known your bestie since you were kids in grade school. You’ve been through so many changes and problems together. She held your head the first time you got drunk. You stayed with her all night when her boyfriend ended it with her. You’ve had your fights, sure, but one of you always said sorry and you knew you’d be best friends for life. Until now. Read how these people coped with having to choose.
Her Best Friend Crushed on Her Boyfriend
Marie and Joel have known each other for over a year. They are both part of the same group who hang out a couple of times a week. Marie’s best friend, Carolann had a minor crush on Joel when they first met him, but it didn’t last and she soon found another boyfriend. They split up after three months, so Carolann is single right now. When Marie confided in Carolann that she and Joel might have a thing, Carolann went crazy. She accused Marie of going behind her back, of being a bad friend and that she couldn’t believe Marie could be so mean.
Marie was mystified. Carolann and Joel had never been very close so why was Carolann acting like this? She was even demanding that Marie choose between her and Joel. Marie decided to sit down with Carolann and ask her what the problem was. Carolann couldn’t explain why she felt that Marie had betrayed her. She admitted she had no feelings for Joel. She thought that Marie might abandon her now she had hooked up with Joel. Again Marie was surprised, they’d both had boyfriends previously and the issue had never surfaced before. Marie was caught in a dilemma, she loved Carolann but she also knew her relationship with Joel had the potential to develop into something special. How could she possibly choose between her best friend and her boyfriend?
After talking it out, they decided to see how it went. Marie didn’t mention Carolann’s reaction to Joel as she didn’t want any additional tension between her best friend and her boyfriend. A few months later, all was well. Carolann accepted that Marie and Joel were together and the two women settled back into their friendship. A long time passed and Marie felt comfortable enough to ask Carolann why she had reacted the way she did. Carolann told her she felt mixed up and confused – she'd let her previous feelings for Joel to resurface and felt that he and Marie had betrayed her and diminished her in some way, as if she wasn’t important anymore. Once she had processed her emotions and thoughts Carolann realized that she was risking her friendship with Marie by pushing her to choose, and it wasn’t a sacrifice she was willing to make. She decided to put her feelings to one side and to do her best to accept the relationship. It worked and all three of them get along fine.
Her Boyfriend Was Jealous of Everyone in Her Life
Coco and Danny were best friends in college. They hung out together, looked out for each other as they navigated their first year away from home. There was never any romance between them. They both had several short relationships with other people and were careful not to get in the way of each other’s romantic liaisons.
Then Coco met James, and from the off, it was obvious that James was suspicious of Danny. He was attentive and loving toward Coco but when Danny was anywhere near he’d get protective and jealous. He’d make snide remarks and try to start disagreements until Coco decided she could never be in the same place with both of them at the same time. This was a huge wedge between her and Danny, and Coco felt the friendship slipping away. Danny never said anything against James, but she’d sometimes notice him looking at her sadly. One time Danny tried to tell her that he didn’t think James was good for her, but Coco wasn’t ready to listen and told him that she was fine and that she was falling in love with James. Coco was torn. She hated the thought of losing her friend, but she also loved James. It seemed inevitable that she would choose her boyfriend over her best friend.
Then James started to criticize Coco’s other friends. One night he admitted he’d like to keep her on an island all to himself. Alarm bells began to ring and Coco realized that James was jealous of anyone sharing Coco’s life. She remembered that he’d even prevented her going home to see her parents one weekend. She knew Danny had been right from the start. James wasn’t good for her.
She explained to James that it wasn’t working and he reacted badly, ranting and yelling. Eventually she managed to persuade him to leave. Later he texted her to say he’d tried to take his life. Panicking, she rang the emergency services but when they went to his appartment he was nowhere to be found. Two days later he turned up and tried to emotionally blackmail Coco into continuing the relationship. She refused. After a few weeks of accusatory texts, emails, phone calls, James got the message and left her alone. She resumed her friendship with Danny, making a vow to never fall for anyone who wouldn’t tolerate her friends.
How to Make the Choice Between Boyfriend and Best Friend
Each situation is different, of course, but you have to firstly try to find a solution where you keep both of them. It might be a good idea to sit them both down and talk about it calmly. If that doesn’t work, you have to examine the reasons why your friend hates your boyfriend.
- Is it because she fancied him first?
- Is she frightened of losing your friendship?
- Is she jealous?
Do the same if it is the other way around:
- Why doesn’t your boyfriend get on with your friend?
- Is he jealous when you want to spend time with her?
- Is he willing to compromise or is he demanding that you drop her?
Often people who demand that you choose one over the other don’t have your best intentions at heart. They are only concerned about their own feelings, which are almost always based on insecurity. It’s difficult because you can rarely set aside your own emotions to look at the situation calmly and rationally to make the choice.
Think about the times you shared with your friend:
- Does she usually have your back?
- Is she supportive or needy?
- What do you think her motives are for acting this way?
- Is she concerned about you or herself?
Weigh all that up against the potential of your future relationship with your boyfriend:
- Do you think it will last?
- Has he got a bad record in previous relationships?
- Is he the one pushing you to break up with your best girl?
- Is he supportive or needy?
Take all the time you need to mull over these questions. Do your best to set aside your emotions. Pretty soon you will reach a conclusion. Make your decision and go with it.
Have you ever had to choose between your best friend and your boyfriend? Who did you choose, and do you think you made the right decision?
If you need to find out who has your best interests at heart, contact one of our brilliant psychics who can help you navigate your way through an awkward best friend situation.