How do you know when a relationship is over? If he tells you it’s over, packs his spare shaving gear and leaves, the message is pretty clear. What if it isn’t like that? Everything appears to be normal, but you are feeling odd undercurrents of tension. Your intuition is warning you things aren’t right between you. Maybe you have a premonition that something is about to change. Here are 20 signs that your relationship is over.
10 Tell-tale Signs He’s Not in Love With You
- He shows a distinct lack of interest in the details of your day. You used to share stories about your colleagues: who’s having an affair with whom, who’s unexpectedly pregnant, or who got told off by the boss. He even knew the names of your coworkers and would ask about them. Nowadays, your words seem to be falling into a void. At the end of your story, he’ll say, “Who’s Janine again?”
- He’s picky. He finds fault with your choice of clothing. He mentions you’ve put on a little weight. Or you’ve used too much make-up or scent. He criticizes you in other small ways. Nothing to worry about – until you notice all the tiny niggles add up to a great deal of dissatisfaction.
- He doesn’t call you like he used to. He may send a quick text but it’s not the same as the intimate chats you’d have at least twice a day.
- He starts fights over nothing. He used to laugh about your differences of opinion. Now he insists that you are wrong and he is right – even over the most unimportant things. You try not to take the bait, but it’s hard not to.
- Sex has become routine. Either he says he’s tired and needs to get to sleep, or he has fallen into the same bedtime routine. It’s not bad, but it’s not great either. Your efforts to bring some passion into the relationship are futile.
- He can’t discuss the future of your relationship without turning it into a huge argument. In fact, he doesn’t want to discuss the future at all. He tells you that “We’re happy as we are, aren’t we?” If you disagree, you are ‘whining’ about nothing.
- He puts you down in front of others. It’s never anything major, and is usually good natured teasing, but you feel uncomfortable. As if you are the butt of the joke.
- He won’t change his plans to fit in with yours. In the beginning you both made every effort to accommodate the other’s schedule. These days, you notice that you are always the one making the compromises. If you didn’t, you’d never get to see each other.
- You irritate him. He snaps at you for no reason. Afterward he apologizes, of course. Tells you he’s under pressure at work, or his mother is nagging him.
- When you tell him you love him, he either doesn’t reply or he says, “Yeah, I love you too”. And doesn’t even look at you.
10 Tell-tale Signs that You Don’t Love Him
- You find his stories, jokes and recollections of his childhood boring. On and on he goes, sharing every little detail of Life Before You, and frankly, you could care less.
- You notice he doesn’t take care of his appearance and you tell him so. Often. He also doesn’t eat ‘right’. You forward links of articles to help him see the error of his ways. You are only pointing these things out for his own good. He’ll thank you for it later.
- You wish he wouldn’t call you so often. It’s always when you are talking with a customer or in a meeting. You refuse his calls more often than you take them. You text a quick ‘k’ when he suggests you go out to eat later.
- You wonder why he says such stupid things. He is patently wrong and you don’t hesitate to tell him so. You fight more than you get along.
- Sex: you can’t be bothered most of the time. It’s all so routine and blah. Why doesn’t he know what you like anymore? In any case, the new guy at work is so adorable; you think about him all the time.
- He’s mentioned marriage. Again. And kids. For goodness sake, he must realize that it’s not going to happen? You have told him countless times that your career is your priority.
- You laugh when your friends make fun of him. You used to defend him but, well they are funny, and he doesn’t mind. He loves your friends and is always happy when you suggest that you all hook up for a night out.
- He needs to know that your job is too important for you to keep changing you schedule. It’s easier for him, his job is less high powered than yours. It won’t hurt him to cancel a few appointments to meet up with you.
- You wish you didn’t get so angry at him. You try to hide it, but oh, it’s so hard when he’s acting like a dork all the time. You wonder what attracted you to him in the first place.
- He keeps telling you how much he loves you. Of course you know it, so why does he have to say it all the time? You respond automatically, you are usually checking your phone.
None of the above points, in isolation, means your relationship is over. It is possible to change it for the better, if you are both inclined to. Yet if many of these signs apply to you and your partner, you may need to admit the good times are over. Saying a sweet goodbye is the only option.