“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” – Guy Finley
You have been back-and-forth so often that you feel like you are on a merry-go-round. The emotions are hot and cold with no in-between. Coupledom always has its pros and cons. It doesn't matter how long you've been together, or how much you used to love each other. When a couple starts to split, both parties can get damaged. But the reality is, there can be more damage if you don't find an ending for a toxic relationship.
Most relationships start out with a lot of excitement and promise. The right chemistry can hide all the flaws. And if you stay together for awhile, it can get comfortable.
Image source: Elizabeth Ashley Jerman on Flickr
Beginnings are a lot more fun, but letting go can be just as important. And knowing when it's the right time to end minimizes the inevitable heartbreak.
If you find yourself agonizing over whether to stay or leave, it may be time for a reading. The intuitive readers at Psychic Elements will help you find your way.
Most of us have "been" there and "done" that. Almost everyone has experienced a relationship that has fallen apart. Over time, you may have the slow, uncomfortable realization that your relationship is not "built" for the long haul. Or perhaps you are in one of those explosive pairings where make-up sex is the only thing holding it together.
It's easy to stay in a bad situation. You don't want to hurt your partner. You don't want to get hurt. You may even worry if there are any good options out there. What if he/she is the best partner you will ever find? What if you will never fall in love again? So even if you have fallen out of love, you stick around way past the time to break up.
Relationships are hard work. You may find yourself questioning what to do. Have you given enough? Are you waiting for the right time to say goodbye? Or maybe you are waiting for a sign?
Here are five signs that it's long past the time to let go of a love affair.
1. He/She is abusive.
Image source: Jeffrey on Flickr
If you are experiencing physical abuse, you can stop reading here! This is all you need to end the relationship.
There is no relationship (romantic, family, work, or friends) that could or should exist that involves physical abuse. Do not pass Go. Don't collect $200. Get out of the game. Leave. Don't look back. It won't get better.
Emotional abuse can be just as serious. If you are with an over-critical or abusive partner, it will ruin your self-worth and self-esteem. They rarely change. Don't stay because you are hoping that your partner will be that one in a million who stops their abuse.
If you are the abuser and you realize it, get help. Relationships that involve physical, psychological, or emotional abuse are doomed. It's as simple as that.
2. You have nothing in common.
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A couple needs to have enough in common so that they can enjoy their time together. If they dislike each other's friends or can't agree on restaurants or movies, their social life will involve constant compromise.
Does it matter if you want three kids and he doesn't want children? Or that she wants to party seven nights a week, and you are so "over" that scene? Are you rooted in your community and he wants to move somewhere else? Do you have different political parties, beliefs or religions?
Perhaps you are a professional woman who wants to succeed. Does it matter that your guy has "dropped" out of the workforce to "make art" that no one has to see? The short answer is yes, it matters.
If you don't have anything in common, it's hard to envision a future together. When two people want different things, they are looking at separate futures. Keep in mind the law of "complementary" relationships. Sometimes the "drop out" artist may be a great stay-at-home dad. If the ambitious woman doesn't mind supporting him in his "free spirit" lifestyle, it can still work.
Opposites do attract! But at some point, if the relationship is going to have a future, you will need to see if you have enough in common to make a go of it.
3. You are fighting too much.
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One of the surest signs that a relationship is going bad is when you bring out the worst in each other.
Every relationship has some hot buttons. The wrong relationship is where you both constantly push those buttons. It may be a passive-aggressive, unintentional dynamic, but it's never good.
It doesn't matter if these patterns have developed over time or if they were there when you met. You may find that when he/she is around, you feel different. This feeling may come out in your emotions. Perhaps it's a negative attitude or even your behavior.
We can frequently lack the perspective to see the behaviour and feel the differences. Are you less assertive when they are around? Do you feel uncomfortable or angry when you are together?
If you feel that you are more positive when you are with your other friends, this may be a sign. In any relationship, you should be the best you possible. If you are starting to realize that your lover brings out the worst in you, it's time to consider breaking up.
In most negative relationships, there is fighting, bickering and a general lack of trust. There are also cases where you may be afraid to be yourself because you know it could provoke another fight.
All kinds of conflict are possible when two people get together. If you feel that you are constantly battling and peace is out of your reach, it may be time to let go.
4. You feel lost and unhappy.
Image source: Uwe Richter Photography on Flickr
If a relationship is all-consuming, other areas of your life suffer. A co-dependency may develop.
If there isn't much common ground, it can be even worse. One partner can spend so much time immersed in the other's interests that they lose track of the things that matter to them.
If you spend a lot of time and energy trying to please your significant other, you can lose yourself. If you are feeling lost and unhappy, part of the problem may be that you are in the wrong relationship. It's true that no one else is responsible for your happiness. Nevertheless, a dysfunctional relationship can add to your problems.
If the spark is gone and you are thinking about ending your relationship, consider an intuitive reading to point you in the right direction.